Yes, it's a "fresh" cycle.
Doesn't that sound optimistic and renewing, and positive?!
I wish I could say I was feeling the same!
It has been a rough day. I knew it was coming like I always know, but there is always that tiny, tiny glimmer of hope that I hold on to until the very end. This morning there was no denying it: the cramps started with a vengeance and with them my mood worsened.
So back to the RE I go tomorrow to get cleared to start IUI cycle #3. I'm a little bit nervous because on my ultrasound last week I had a residual cyst...hopefully this cycle won't be cancelled.
Despite my ultra-gloomy mood and my bouts of tears every time I talk about it, I am trying to keep a positive outlook for the cycle ahead. It is a fresh start. Literally, everything is starting new, including my uterine lining :)
I don't know why, but when I got home I started googling IUI statistics again hoping to find lots of good stories.
Lots of people get pregnant on their 3rd or 4th try! Yay! (I totally ignored the BFNs).
I also calculated what my due date would be if I got pregnant this cycle: January 1st 2013! I do this every month, by the way. Sick.
I've been reading a lot about it, so I started taking a Vitamin B complex to try to lengthen my luteal phase. I don't know that it's the problem, but it's on the short side and at this point, I'll try it!
Then I went sock shopping for my "sock exchange" buddy! I picked some winners, let me tell you! So fun!
Feeling slightly more upbeat, I just had to log in to facebook. Ugh.
BFF has her maternity photos posted.
And apparently just got her hospital admissions packet at her appointment today. Double ugh.
Hide post, hide post.
I should just hide her entirely, but what kind of friend would that make me? The kind that thinks of every excuse to not hang out with her friend of 20+ years and still can't bear to talk about the "elephant in the room" that is her huge belly. Oh wait. That's me.
Then, to make myself feel even more sorry for myself, I started thinking about how pregnant I would be if I had gotten pregnant when I first started trying.
Then I realized I would have a 7 month old.
Hello and welcome to my rambling pity party.
I apologize if you didn't want to be invited.
"Fresh start" starts tomorrow.
Can I join the pity party. I feel like wallowing. sometimes a pity party is just what you need. Bring out the tissues, the cake, chocolate and the wine and lets watch a good weepie movie. If I had got pregnant when we were first trying I would be due in a week or two.
ReplyDeleteI have to tell you, I just recently deactivated my facebook account (you can reactivate it super easily) and it was the most liberating thing ever! Besides worrying for the first few minutes whether or not I would be totally out of the loop, it was so nice to not sign in to something and see pictures of babies everywhere. I am sure I will go back on but for now this was a great decision. Hope your "fresh start" really is a fresh start :)
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm so sorry this last cycle didn't work out. I hope your appointment with the RE went well and you can jump back in to your next cycle.
ReplyDeleteAs for pregnant friends, I've hidden all of them on Facebook. What they don't know doesn't hurt them but seeing any pregnancy photos or references definitely hurts me. And, I spend all day at work in my small office avoiding the two pregnant women - one that I am very close to - but I just can't even look at them. It's not how I'd like to be but it is just how it is.
Fresh start is a good thing! I hope you can get back to your positive state.
ReplyDeleteI think I just hit the last straw with facebook. I just deactivated my account.
Pity parties are the next big thing, don't you know? Feeling thankful that I've managed to keep my pity party pants off for a while (which making a baby, I guess it's good to keep your pants off) -- but I think I've replaced a lot of the pity with anger and just plain bitterness. I'm not sure if it's a natural progression or just a phase and I'll be back at the pity party again. I'm just not sure how this all works.
ReplyDeleteLike other commenters, I'm guilty of the Facebook "unsubscribe." I've also made "infertile friendly" lists for Twitter to avoid those same people (they're "friends" so I can't unfollow them without drama). I'm still trying to figure out how to hide @ mentions to them from other friends because it's pretty pointless to hide their posts about their baby when everyone chimes in about how cute it is and blah blah blah.
See what I mean about bitter?
From what I read you should take B6, not B complex to lengthen your luteal phase. I was taking 50 mg of B6 daily until my RE gave me Crinone (a progesterone). I'm crossing my fingers that it works!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your next cycle!