Oh boy do I have a lot to say. I have so many posts queued up and ready to write....but haven't. Not working has really thrown all structure out the window and I forget! Anyway, I want to remember what it was like to be Postpartum with my girl Piper (and maybe it will be helpful for some of you expecting Mommies too! I researched EVERYTHING pregnancy-related, but did not spend much time preparing for what happens after that baby comes out!
First off, I did not have postpartum depression or any baby blues or sadness or doubt or fear. But I cried at everything. I have never cried so many tears of joy. Every gift I received was greeted with tears. Looking at pictures of the baby: tears. Feeling so lucky I couldn't even stand it? Yup, tears. It was weird. I felt so incredibly overwhelmed with happiness and joy and gratitude that I literally could not stop the rivers from flowing from my eyes. My husband was not sure how to handle them, so he usually asked, "happy or sad?" and when I said happy he laughed and hugged me. Hilarious.
And then there was the blood. Holy moly was there blood. Every time I stood up for a good week, I felt a huge gush of blood. It felt abnormal and it was inconvenient at best (I lived in giant pads and the hospital mesh panties for 2 weeks). They told me that it would taper off gradually, and it did, but it did not happen quickly. At 3 weeks I was still bleeding a lot, but one day it just stopped. I don't know if my bleeding was heavier than normal, but it took me by surprise.
I lost weight really quickly, but then I didn't.
I never had a final weight since I had not been to the OB in 2 weeks prior to my delivery, but I had a ballpark number of about 22ish pounds gained. When I got home from the hospital I had lost 15 of those. I felt like I was looking good and that the weight was just falling off daily and that I would be pre-IVF in no time with all the breast feeding I was doing. Wrong. I haven't budged much since then. The first bits fall off quick...the rest hangs around apparently. Oh well.
Breastfeeding is hard. I was told this, but I didn't believe because I teach people to breastfed their babies! Joke's on me. It took us about a month to get it the swing. Now I would not trade it for anything- it's easy, it's so intimate and wonderful, and I love most everything about it. But had I not been committed to it, I most definitely would have stopped during the worst time. I'm glad I persevered, but DAMN. Best advice: see a lactation consultant at the first signs of problems or pain, don't use a nipple shield unless you absolutely have to, know that it will get better (much, much better).
Mostly, being postpartum was about me feeling extremely lucky and suddenly being afraid that something's going to happen. Watching my husband become a Dad was amazing but I suddenly felt like I had A LOT to lose. It brought out my inner pessimist I guess! I also learned quickly that I was not Super Mom. Everything will not get done, and when something needs to give I always choose snuggling over chores. I also learned to listen to my body and take a break sometimes, which I think is what finally stopped my bleeding.
I'm doing lots of playing and snuggling and feeding these days with my 3 MONTH OLD! How did that happen? 3 months?!?! Photos and an update on my sweet girl soon :)
