Sensitive

Apparently I have a *delicate* system. Great.

Cycle day 16 and I've been spotting for 4 days. No ovulation? What?

I checked in with my RE who said my body is probably just trying to get itself back together after 4 cycles of Menopur and encouraged ovulation. "Some people's systems are just more sensitive than others."

She also suggested that I take a pregnancy test...just in case. Maybe my beta was too early and I'm having pregnancy spotting? No such luck.

Even though the Hubby and I decided to not "try" I was still secretly OPKing because I'm a control freak like that and was excited that I would ovulate before he left for his business trip. Hey, maybe the 19th month would be THE ONE!

This is my plan being thrown out the window. 

I think the universe is either telling me that it's time to give up this control thing. Or maybe it's telling me that I should spend an exorbitant amount of money on IVF.  Dunno.

A loss for words

It's been quite a while since I posted even though I've sat here several times to start and then...

nothing.

That's kind of how I feel right now: nothing to say, feeling...nothing.

This cycle was a big, fat bust. 

1 egg, 1 million post-wash sperm. Could have made 1 baby, but did not. 

Despite my desperate attempt at staying completely positive for our last IUI, when my RE came in with the sperm even SHE was disappointed and without much hope. 

So I changed from optimistic to realistic and hoped that like my RE said, "maybe this would all make for a really good story someday."

Now I start another cycle wondering what the future holds for us.

My Mom suggested waiting to pursue IVF for a while until we were a little less busy. At first the idea seemed all bad because after waiting all this time, I'm kind of ready to get this show on the road! But after thinking it over with my logical hat on :), I actually think that we actually might not have time to do IVF this Summer. As crazy as that sounds, I don't think I can pencil it into my calendar anywhere between the 3 weddings, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, the Hubby's business trip, and eating and sleeping. Good grief, it's going to be a busy few months!

So we wait.

Back to temperature checks and OPKs? Or maybe we really take a break and completely stop "trying"? Could I even do that? I might be a little too type A...

I see my RE on Wednesday and will discuss our options for the Summer and beyond. 

For now, I'm hoping that I can feel a little bit of something instead of lumping around like I have been. Maybe a little break will do me some good, bring back some of me.