It's been quite a while since I posted even though I've sat here several times to start and then...
nothing.
That's kind of how I feel right now: nothing to say, feeling...nothing.
This cycle was a big, fat bust.
1 egg, 1 million post-wash sperm. Could have made 1 baby, but did not.
Despite my desperate attempt at staying completely positive for our last IUI, when my RE came in with the sperm even SHE was disappointed and without much hope.
So I changed from optimistic to realistic and hoped that like my RE said, "maybe this would all make for a really good story someday."
Now I start another cycle wondering what the future holds for us.
My Mom suggested waiting to pursue IVF for a while until we were a little less busy. At first the idea seemed all bad because after waiting all this time, I'm kind of ready to get this show on the road! But after thinking it over with my logical hat on :), I actually think that we actually might not have time to do IVF this Summer. As crazy as that sounds, I don't think I can pencil it into my calendar anywhere between the 3 weddings, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, the Hubby's business trip, and eating and sleeping. Good grief, it's going to be a busy few months!
So we wait.
Back to temperature checks and OPKs? Or maybe we really take a break and completely stop "trying"? Could I even do that? I might be a little too type A...
I see my RE on Wednesday and will discuss our options for the Summer and beyond.
For now, I'm hoping that I can feel a little bit of something instead of lumping around like I have been. Maybe a little break will do me some good, bring back some of me.
Ugh. So sorry that it was a bust. I find temping and OPKs so stressful even though I am a type A, too. I hope you can find a balance that will help you take whatever kind of break you need right now.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteOh, so sorry it didn't work out. I have to say, we took this month off, and it was just what I needed. I didn't realize how much I had lost myself over this past year and a half. For the first time in 17 months, I have felt happy (still obsessed) but able to be me just a little bit more. It might be just what you need, sounds like you may also have some soul searching to do. Whatever you decide, will be the right decision. As for temping, this is the first month I didn't do it, and to be honest, I am so upset, cd 21 and going in for bloodwork tomorrow because I don't think I ovulated and have no way of knowing because I didn't temp!! So, from one Type A to another, if you were going to continue any type of charting I would keep that one!! But, then again, the break from it was kind of nice. Thinking of you, and hope you aer able to come to some kind of decision that makes you happy :)
ReplyDeleteOh I know all too well how that feels when the RE walks into the room and you can tell by the look on their face that the count is not good. That is what brings me down each IUI. It was really a good thing when I stopped temping and using OPKs. I hope if you take a break it is really good for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your struggle. I too have been in this boat for nearly 5 years now however, for the last 2 months my husband and I have managed to find each other again and are just trying to have fun. You're right not "trying" is pretty much impossible because it is always in the back of our minds however taking a moment to find your rational side is good for you in the long run. Good luck with whatever you choose.
ReplyDelete- Vanessa
I am so, so sorry about the news from the RE. I can't imagine what that feels like.
ReplyDeleteI think you're my infertility twin (ok, bad pun and not the same situation), but I feel like we're in the same place. There was so much sadness, anger, frustration this past fall and winter and we planned to start IUI this spring, but then weddings, bridal showers, etc. were going to make it difficult. Plus, all the negative emotions -- I was just tired of it. I felt, as you said, nothing. On a whim, I told Hubby we should go to Mexico. As you said, I felt like I was "crazy" putting this stuff off -- something I wanted so bad. But, my "logical hat" said we NEEDED this. We NEEDED some time to ourselves, to reconnect, to relax, to feel better for a while. It's OK to take a break.