Happenings

Well Folks, I'm exactly 2dp5dt. And not much to report. Feeling totally myself and mostly just trying to not overdo it since I feel so normal. I'm still off work which is both fantastic and torturous. I am lucky to have an obscene amount of sick time and am at the point where I either use it or lose it, so this hopeful Mama is using it! I'm not quite sure how much time I'm taking off, but at least a week. I'm hoping to get some good house organizing done, enjoy the outrageously beautiful weather, and overall just relax. The downside of so much downtime is that I have a lot of time to think about symptoms or lack thereof and to think about it all.the.time. My RE does not recommend bed rest, but does recommend mostly sedentary activities for the first two days, so now that I'm past that I think I will start doing some fun stuff to take my mind off what's going on in there. 

Speaking of...what's going on in there? 

According to my handy dandy chart, at two days post five day transfer the blastocyst should be finishing the hatching process and beginning to implant in the uterus. Hopefully the Wee One is holding up its side of the bargain and doing that!

In other news, my hubby rocks my world when it comes to PIOs! After giving myself the injections for four days and not feeling terribly sore, I was a little nervous to hand over the needle to him. Because, let's be real, he's hardly qualified to stab me in the butt with a needle THAT big! 

Oh man, I was so wrong in doubting him. Just being able to position myself so that my muscle can be completely relaxed has made a world of difference, but he is also very good at darting that sucker in so I hardly feel the poke and then ever so gently pushing it in so my muscle doesn't seize up. He's good. Anyone in the Bay Area need an injector, I have just the guy for you. Bonus: he's out of this world hot too. No more sore lumps for the time being! Yippee!

Not much else to share except that I will be testing and I'll be doing it early. Probably too early, but I just know myself and I know that's what I have to do to remain sane. I haven't decided on the day yet, but I'll be sure to keep you all in the loop :)

The Most Pregnant I've Ever Been

Our most perfect Embryo, hopefully making itself nice and cozy in my no longer empty uterus!

The frozen embryo transfer went off without a hitch today. 

Here's how it went down.

* 11:00 am: Valium down the hatch and chugging the water to fill my bladder up

*11:45 am: Arrive at the clinic, check in, change into some fab socks and gown, hat, and mask.

*12:00 pm: Into the procedure room, meet with embryologist (one 5 day blastocyst thawed according to plan, handled thaw like a champ)

*12:15 pm: Done.

Oh yeah, this baby's going in!

What's going on there? Source

 Thank you for all of the well wishes! I am officially the most pregnant I have ever been an couldn't be more excited! PUPO!

The Moments I Realize I Am Not Okay

This has been a long journey.

There is no infertility story that does not involve a long journey.

But man does it feel long.

There have been times of extreme stress and worry, times of resolution, times of jealousy and introversion, and times of just being. 

The "being" is where I have been for some time now.

I have all of those feelings of stress and worry and jealousy and fatigue...but for the most part they do not dominate my life as they once did. I am living (as best I can within the constraints of my cycles). I am okay.

Today I had one of the moments. One where I realized that even though this journey is not conquering me each and every moment of my day, I am not in fact okay.

I have been attending yoga classes as much as I can in the recent months and cannot believe how much it has helped me mentally and physically. I have not been a yoga lover in the past, but I think it is filling some void in me right now and is just what the doctor ordered!

Today was my last class for a bit since FET is tomorrow (!!!) so after class I checked in with the teacher to see if she had any poses that are easy on the body and good for uterine blood flow or fertility. She's pregnant, she should know, right?

She offered me lots of suggestions and gave me some foods that are supposed to increase fertility. As I was laying on the ground next to her, hips in the air, receiving her well-wishes...I started crying. For no apparent reason except for that I am not 100% okay. I am excited, but more than that I am so freaking nervous that this might not work that I can hardly stand it. Because then what? This is not a question I have had to ask myself yet. There has always been a logical next step, but this is kind of the end of the road. Granted we have a good store of maybe babies in the deep freeze, but it's just a lot, that's all.

So here I am. Feeling so many mixed emotions. I just had my "last supper" of a delicious margarita and too much sushi; hopefully I had enough of both to satisfy me for the next nine months.
Tomorrow is it. One little embryo goes into the uterus.

If any of you have some extra good thoughts, prayers, good karma, etc. please send them my way.
FET in T-16 hours.

PIO

Since The Hubby is out of town, I had a grand plan to have one of my co-workers give me my first progesterone injection tonight before I left work. Luckily since I am a nurse, there is no shortage of qualified injectors floating around. Good plan, bad execution.

Lupron brain over her left work in a rush and forgot to have my designated shot-giver shoot me up first! Balls! 

Finally I worked up the courage and after probably 10 minutes of staring at my ass cheek with the syringe ready to plunge...I did it. And it wasn't that bad. The worst part was the darting; after the needle was in it was smooth sailing. I walked and lunged around and massage the heck out of my butt trying my best to contract my gluts and hopefully disperse the oil. Now I'm sitting on my heating pad hoping it helps. I already feel my muscle is a bit sore and judging from how I felt after my IM HCG injections, some degree of soreness is just going to happen.

I'm considering this a successful first day. Hoping for many more weeks of this!

FET is on!

Deep breaths are in order. FET is on!!! 

I had my first appointment in quite a while and was more nervous than I let myself believe I was. That cancelled cycle really messed with me. I was preparing myself for another cancelled cycle and another couple months of waiting. But all is well in the world and the transfer is scheduled for Monday afternoon.

My uterine lining was measured at 8.4mm, which he said was good. I have yet to obsessively google how good it is, but I'm sure that will come later...

Now all that is between me and our embryo is 5 days and some progesterone injections starting tomorrow (kind of nervous about those!)

 And here's the schedule!

I'm arming myself with a heating pad and will be walking, walking, walking after the shots to hopefully help disperse the medication and avoid the painful, lumpy ass that so many of you have warned me about! Any other suggestions?

The Case of the Incredible, Expanding Woman

So I've gained a little lot of weight.

I don't know what the difference between the IVF cycle and this FET cycle is, but holy moly, the pounds are packing on. At least I feel like they are. I am NOT stepping on the scale for fear of depressing myself too much. Since I have no stims going on, I can exercise normally, but I still feel like no matter what I do I am getting jigglier and jigglier by the day. I know some of it is related to my diet. For some reason I have not been able to reign it in despite my best intentions. I'm blaming it on the lupron. Lupron is quite the scapegoat around these parts. 

I thought about doing a short stunt with weight watchers or something, but I'm not sure if uterine lining is at all effected by decreased caloric intake, so I'm just resigning myself to some weight gain (or at least not weight loss) until the cycle is done or I have a baby in this uterus. 

The upside is that I can't wear a bikini anyway because I have vivelle patches all over my abdomen, so I guess bring on the rolls :(

Patching It Up

Not much new around these parts aside from a vivelle patch on my belly. This is a new addition this time around and so far the easiest infertility treatment I've experienced! A clear, non-painful patch on the tummy I can handle. I swap it out every three days, gradually increasing until I have four on at one time. I am slightly curious how I'm going to squeeze them all in and still have room to rotate my Lupron injections :) The next step is a lining check and meeting with my in-cycle nurse coordinator to go over the schedule, but that's not until June 18th. I feel like I have the longest IVF course in history. I'll have to peek back at my timeline, but I'm pretty sure our IVF consult was like 2 years ago. Argh. BUT! Keeping my eye on the prize...

 The Hubby is gone on a work trip for almost three weeks, which I think is making time move a little quicker. I do NOT know how single Moms function. I'm so, so busy! And I'm just a Puppy Mom currently! Thankfully he'll be back just in time for planned FET. I'm so excited, but trying my hardest to not wish my weeks away. It's so easy to do in this infertility cycle of cycles!