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And 15 weeks has come and gone. In one instant I think that this has been the fastest almost 4 months of my life, but then I think of how much has transpired in the last 15 weeks and how LONG ago my FET feels. 

I am settling into this pregnancy thing and feeling pretty good. 

But. 

Apparently, once an infertile, always an infertile. There is not a bathroom break that doesn't include first squinting as I look at my panties, always praying that I won't see blood. Not a cramp or weird twinge goes unnoticed. I'm always waiting for the dream to be over and to wake up and realize that nothing is going to go as planned. This is going to be how the next 25 weeks go I've come to realize. I'm okay with that,  it's all part of my story, but it's still kind of...I don't know. Tiring I guess. 

This week was monumental because we outed our news on facebook. Every bone in my body cringed as I did it because I remember how painful those announcements were, and still kind of are for me, but when it comes down to it, it's the most effective way to spread the news to the hundred of people that we cannot tell in person. The Hubs threw a little "it's been a 3 year journey and we are so happy to announce..." that made me feel a little better about it. I just posted this picture from our first photo shoot:

Everyone got the gist of it. 

It has been really fun seeing everyone now that they know, and quite a relief to not have to cover up my belly anymore. It's not that noticeable, but it's definitely there. I have struggled with what to say when people congratulate me. I feel like I need to disclose just how hard we worked to get to this point, but at some point I'm just another pregnant lady. Not everyone needs to know our struggles, but I'm just so scared to make someone "in the trenches" feel sad. Anyway...

as my book said I should now be feeling more energetic and making less trips to the bathroom...my body's doing the opposite! Super tired and peeing 3 times a night. Go figure :)  

 

It is hard taking a picture of your own belly!

The little one is now the size of an orange and can hear. I hope it likes bad singing and bad reality TV.

Traveling Citrus

I have officially entered my second trimester and I cannot believe that it is true. I have made an effort to enjoy every moment of this time, but I have to say the queasiness kind of distracted me from that mission :) so now I am reminding myself of that and trying to stay present. Because it is FLYING by! 

This week was pretty monumental for me. I no longer can button any of my pants so have been wearing mostly dresses  and heavily utilizing the belly band! Love that thing... I mean, when else can you pull off walking around with your pants unbuttoned? I also had two people ask me if I was pregnant. For a split second I thought about saying, "no, just fattening up" because seriously (!!!!) who in their right mind asks someone if they're pregnant?! That is stupidly brave. And I was totally stoked, because maybe I don't just look way fat! 

We have also told almost all of the " more than just Facebook" friends in our life, so that has been so much fun!

In case inquiring minds do want to know...week 13-14 also brought a lot of peeing ( just as the book said it would decrease), a wicked headache, some little pulling sensations in my pelvic area ( more growing pains perhaps?), and a real, live pregnancy glow. Or maybe not a glow, but at least the dull, tired, hormonal skin of IVF has passed and I'm back to normal? Not sure, but definitely noticeably better in the derm department.

 

The little bambino is now the size of a lemon and had his/her first trip to NYC. It was quite hard to find a lemon and has been even harder to squeeze in a photo in the daylight hours, so excuse the crappy iPhone selfie. 

13

This was a BIG week in baby land. 

Yesterday I hit 13 weeks, which in some circles counts as the start of the 2nd trimester. I think it officially starts at the end of the 13th week, but who's counting? Okay, I'm totally counting. 

The NT scan went great and we got to spend almost a full hour looking at our babe due to some positioning snafus. Pretty surreal and most definitely amazing. We got some great videos and pictures (including a couple 4D that totally creep me out usually, but ended up actually being pretty cool)

I have no idea why it's upside down...

We also found out that our risk of Trisomy 21 is 1 in 10,000 and Trisomy 18 1 in 100,000...seems like good news to me. I know this does not rule out everything, but as a NICU nurse I was having the tech look at everything she could see. Even got a little gender prediction out of her! I'm trying not to hold onto it because 13 weeks is too early to know for sure, so I'm not even putting it out into the blogosphere for now :) 

Aside from all of that excitement...

I pulled out my belly band for the first time yesterday and I am officially starting to get sideways glances from people because there is a definite bump there, but no one has the courage to ask. Smart people. We will be all the way announced by the end of next week because I am making a trip to the East Coast to visit extended family and wanted to share the news with as many people in person before making it public on facebook and at work.I can't wait!

Also...almost NO MORE nausea!!! Hallelujah! I'm hoping I can resume a more normal eating pattern now and lay off the ginger snaps :)

Baby is the size of a small apple this week. Plucked this "baby" off our backyard tree :)

Happenings

This post is coming late because I was waiting for the photo. I have a friend who is a photographer who is going to take monthly maternity photos for us. It seems kind of excessive, but I don't with certainty that I'll get to experience pregnancy again, so I want to document as much as I can.
I was 12 weeks last Thursday. Pinch me.
The week's happenings included more nausea, VERY tight pants, the purchase of a belly band (haven't worn it yet, though), and the appearance of a linea negra from my belly button down. 

Also, 12 weeks was my very last progesterone IM injection! Can I get a woot woot!? My butt is already rejoicing.

And without further ado...the little lime. And another of my favorites from Tuesday's shoot. So fun.

Tomorrow is the NT scan...before that I will bite all my nails off.

Not Just Chillin'

I'm going to kill the suspense right quick. I had my "peace of mind" ultrasound this morning and it appears that all is well in my uterus :)

My Doctor thankfully found the heartbeat immediately so I didn't have to wait one more second to breathe a sigh of relief. Then I saw the coolest thing ever. It's a baby, you guys. It was moving its arms and legs like crazy and bouncing around. It may only be the size of a fig, but it now looks more like a baby than a blob! The movement was unbelievable to see. It is definitely not hanging out in there, it is getting its groove on! So cool.

After floating around on cloud nine for the day, I had a slew of labs drawn for the antenatal screening tests that we elected to do. On September 9th we will have a detailed ultrasound where they will complete in depth measurements and give us the odds of different chromosomal anomalies like Trisomy 21, 18, and 13. I'm a little nervous for that, but also excited to get to watch the scan for up to 45 minutes!

Unfortunately I have no picture proof to share this time, but so happy that baby R is enjoying his/her home in my ute!

Waiting and Woozy

First of all, I want to thank you for all of the support during the bleeding "episode". I was feeling very doom and gloom after my encounter with The Resident from Hell, so your good stories were very calming. 

We returned from Kauai on my 31st birthday and the Mini-Me's 11 week mark. Even though the trip felt like awful timing with the spotting, it was PERFECT timing. It provided just the right amount of distraction, some much-needed relaxation time, and had me surrounded by my sweet Hubs and my family for support. My plans changed a bit in an effort to rest my body (no hiking, only a short kayak instead of a big Napali Coast kayak) but I am not one to complain about extra time spent lounging on the beach and snorkeling :)

The nausea is unreal people. I thought it might start to taper off this week as I approach the end of the 1st trimester, but apparently I was mistaken. I have been wearing Sea Bands which have actually helped a lot, but it only seems to be getting worse. With a quick consult from Dr. Google, some people say that HCG peaks between 10-12 weeks, so nausea will get worse before it gets better. One can hope! Otherwise, besides feeling totally fat (my pants almost do not fit, you guys! At 11 weeks!? In case you weren't sure, eating mass quantities of carbs will cause you to pack on pounds faster than you can believe...) I am feeling pretty great. We'll see how great I feel when I go back to work tomorrow. Boo.

The one upside is that I will get to take an ultrasound peak tomorrow if all goes according to plan. When I went in for the bleeding my doctor said I could come in right after my vacation for a "piece of mind" scan, but when I called to schedule, the coordinators couldn't get me in. Ugh...more waiting! Fortunately, my doctor is in L&D tomorrow which happens to be on the same floor that I work on, so I will be popping over for a STAT ultrasound in the morning! I am VERY nervous. I'm taking the continued nausea as a good sign, but still can't get the missed miscarriage idea out of my head. Evil resident! Hopefully all will be good in there and we can move on after tomorrow and count that as a little bump in the road.

 

The babe is fig-sized!

"Mmmm. I love figs."

PUPO in Kauai

Hello from paradise. I am short on time (too much beaching to do!), so I'll post what I know.

The bleeding did not restart. It sort of trickled as old blood after that initial bleed for a few days and was accompanied by some mild cramping (I think, I could have just been crazy nervous and having GI cramps too!) 

The first day here was incredibly stressful because I was spotting in a bathing suit, trying not to overdo anything, and just overall really freaking scared. I think I'm going to start referring to the ocean as "nature's douche" because I think it cleaned out all that old blood and I stopped spotting! Since then I have been intermittently incredibly nauseous and overall feeling exactly as I did before this bleeding debacle. I'm relieved, but still wondering what's going on in there.

Last night I started having a little cramping again, which I'm attributing to a growing uterus? Does that even happen? I'm hoping so :) I am looking forward to (okay, more like counting down the days until) I can get an ultrasound the day I get back. I just want to know,  but also don't want to wish this vacation away! I contemplated looking up an ultrasound place on the island, but I feel like it is a big expense for something that I could just wait a few more days for. The Hubby was all for it, considering we can't have sex until then...one track mind.

I am doing my best to feel pregnant, because I have no reason to believe I am not. PUPO. 

On that note, Thursday makes 10 weeks!

The little fetus (it's a fetus this week!) is now the size of a prune...or in the spirit of aloha, a small lilikoi (passion fruit)!