PUPO in Kauai

Hello from paradise. I am short on time (too much beaching to do!), so I'll post what I know.

The bleeding did not restart. It sort of trickled as old blood after that initial bleed for a few days and was accompanied by some mild cramping (I think, I could have just been crazy nervous and having GI cramps too!) 

The first day here was incredibly stressful because I was spotting in a bathing suit, trying not to overdo anything, and just overall really freaking scared. I think I'm going to start referring to the ocean as "nature's douche" because I think it cleaned out all that old blood and I stopped spotting! Since then I have been intermittently incredibly nauseous and overall feeling exactly as I did before this bleeding debacle. I'm relieved, but still wondering what's going on in there.

Last night I started having a little cramping again, which I'm attributing to a growing uterus? Does that even happen? I'm hoping so :) I am looking forward to (okay, more like counting down the days until) I can get an ultrasound the day I get back. I just want to know,  but also don't want to wish this vacation away! I contemplated looking up an ultrasound place on the island, but I feel like it is a big expense for something that I could just wait a few more days for. The Hubby was all for it, considering we can't have sex until then...one track mind.

I am doing my best to feel pregnant, because I have no reason to believe I am not. PUPO. 

On that note, Thursday makes 10 weeks!

The little fetus (it's a fetus this week!) is now the size of a prune...or in the spirit of aloha, a small lilikoi (passion fruit)!

Blood

This morning I started bleeding. It was pretty much my worst nightmare coming to life when I saw those drops of blood on my underwear. Then when I wiped and it kept coming I went into a state of...not sure, I guess focused devastation. 

We went into the hospital to be checked and experience such a spectrum of emotions. The first nurse we spoke to was reassuring that this could be normal and hopefully just a part of my normal pregnancy. A bump in the road.

The first doctor we saw was a resident that I now think of as Satan. She was doom and gloom to the max. She did a cervical exam and saw no new blood, but a bit of old blood on my cervix. Then she did the ultrasound and found the heartbeat right away. Nothing about that was reassuring to me, mostly because I've watched this story play out before through so many of you, and the news isn't always good even when there is still a heartbeat. Then she proceeded to say, "the most common reason for bleeding at this time is miscarriage" and walk me though what a miscarriage will look like if it happens to me. She also said that it will be labeled a threatened abortion.

Then my OB, who happened to be there today came in and had me go over what was going on. She was much more positive and had more of a "let's hope for the best" approach. Better, but not sunshine and butterflies.

We're leaving for what was to be a relaxing trip to Kauai tomorrow. I'm not sure how relaxing it will be, but at least now that lounging is going to be the name of my game, I'll have a good place to do that in. No hiking or kayaking for me! 

I can't believe this...please let this be "normal". At nine weeks miscarriage rates are 0.5%, why oh why do I always seem to be part of the less than 1%?

Feeling Twingy

Ugh.

That's all I have to say.

Today I started feeling "twingy" as I call it. I get this feeling monthly, just before I start noticing brown-tinged cervical mucous, just before I start spotting, just before I know that I will be enduring at least one more cycle. It is immediately accompanied by extreme irritability that I don't associate with PMS as much as I do with extreme disappointment. 

I suppose it's not over 'til it's over, but it feels an awful lot like it usually feels when it doesn't work. I was really hoping I'd skate past this 9-10 day post-ovulation twinginess and make it to my day fourteen test and get a big, happy positive on our first IUI.