Shoot me up, Baby!

Today the Hubby and I attended an Injection Workshop to prepare us for our first IUI/Medicated Cycle...starting in just about a week!
I originally assumed that I would give myself injections, and as a Nurse, that really didn't scare me much. I have never been particularly afraid of needles so I didn't think much about that part of IUI at first.
But then I remembered the time I tried to give myself a Brazillian bikini wax. (I know! Not my smartest moment!)
"I never have a problem in the salon, so it should be fine, right?"
Wrong.
I got one strip in, and I could no longer force myself to pull off the wax. Like, I couldn't physically do it. My hands would start and immediately fall lifeless. Despite my tolerance to having it done by someone else and my relatively high tolerance to pain, doing it to myself was a no go.
I had the same vision of me attempting to poke a needle into myself...I don't know if it would go well!

In comes my wonderful and eager Husband. 
I say eager because he is a little too eager to give me these injections.
I feel a little guilty about it considering that he endured many practice IV starts and blood draws when I was in nursing school, but...I'm scared!
I trust him...but I'm still scared.
Watching his big hands jab the needle into the dummy with such conviction...yikes. 
I have a vision of him coming at me with that loaded syringe, jabbing it in like a dart. Ay, ay, ay.

Despite my reservations about my injection "Nurse", I am so excited to get this cycle started and I know he is going to do a great job. I also like the idea of him having an active part in the process.
I finally feel like we are making progress towards the end goal. 
Shoot me up. And hopefully BABY!

And we're in...

I have never been more excited for my period to start, because cycle day one means the start of our first (and hopefully only) IUI cycle with the AMIGOS study!

All labs were within their parameters, so we are scheduled to meet with the study coordinator to receive my medications on February 10th! 

I can't wait!

Any pre-IUI advice?

Hola Amigos

Today was our screening appointment for the IUI study I mentioned we were looking into. We completed the pre-screening process already...it was quite intense! Today I had a metabolic panel drawn, Hubby had some blood sent as well (he doesn't remember what! Boys!), and we went over the study in depth for the second time. Then I had a transvaginal ultrasound done to rule out ovarian cysts and take measurements of my ovaries and check my antral follicle count. Good times, ladies, good times.

Now we wait. 

As long as the labs are normal, we are in and we will start next cycle!

I was concerned (as many of you were) with being randomly assigned to a drug and potentially being assigned to injectable FSH. I still am concerned, but after hearing how stringently I will be monitored and reading the fifty page consent forms (yikes!) I am feeling much more comfortable with the idea. The supremely good news is that I can back out at any time, so if I was to be assigned to the "injectables" group I could still back out then. In the mean time, I am researching, researching, researching and we will also be consulting with the fertility clinic we were scheduled to meet with prior to all of this study business.

It's sinking in that this is our last month to "make it happen" before we move on to bigger (and more expensive and more invasive) things. I'm trying my best to NOT think about it and put pressure on us, because regardless of what happens, there is a plan.

I also can't help but think about how it feels a little like we're about to mess with biology. I know that I'm ready to pursue fertility treatments, but oh how I wish Mother Nature would just make it work instead. Sigh.

In case any of you are interested, check out the AMIGOS Study. 

There are several sites participating throughout the country and the study follows you through four IUI medicated cycles (Letrazol, Clomid, or FSH).

 

Hopefully The Hubby and I will say "hola" to the AMIGOS study next month! 

*If anyone has enrolled in the study, I would LOVE to talk to you!

Bon Voyage 2011

I hate to say this, but I'm happy to see 2011 go. 

It's not that it's been a bad year, but it sure hasn't been my best. And it's probably been my worst. 

It started off seemingly well, The Hubby and I took an impromptu trip to Napa and rung in the New Year wine tasting, eating amazing food, and...having a lot of sex. Because 2011 was the year we were going to make a baby. 

I remember feeling so melancholy on January 1st for no apparent reason. I had a feeling of impending doom and I had no idea why. I was literally waiting for the "ball to fall" and find out that something terrible had happened because I had such a yucky, yucky feeling. I'm not joking when I say that I called many of my family and friends only to make sure that they had not been killed in a car accident or something. It was very strange and I had never had that feeling before nor have I had it since. 

Anyway, nothing tragic happened, but it coincidentally it was the start to my worst year ever and now I think I'm psychic ;)

Nothing dramatic happened to make this a bad year. In fact, the year was filled with many fantastic moments: we ventured to Thailand for one of my favorite trips ever, The Hubby and I both made some good career moves, we spent lots of good quality time with friends and family, loved on our cat and pooch a lot, and we celebrated two years of wedded bliss and eight years since we became a couple. From the outside, 2011 was like any other year. It was great. And it was great. Except for that one little thing that consumed many of my thoughts, caused some serious stress and tears, and challenged me like nothing ever has before. 

I thought I would be pregnant for much of 2011. 

I thought when I celebrated my 29th year, it would be with a baby.

I thought we would buy a new house to fill with our growing family.

I thought I would be celebrating this New Year with a cooing combination of The Hubby and I.

Nothing about 2011 was how I imagined it would be.

I have made it through the holidays, I have suffered through many, many pregnancy announcements- some harder than others, and I'm still here telling my woeful story. So as I ring in 2012, I am going to give thanks for all that I have (and give thanks that 2011 is over) and hope that this year is kinder.
In the new year, my resolution is to enjoy the life that I have and to not waste any of my time moping around wishing that infertility hadn't ruined my life.
All in all, my life rocks.
But seriously...bring on 2012 already!

Dear Santa

I haven't written a letter to Santa in a while. Okay, it's been a long while. But this year, I know what I want him to bring me. So here goes.

Dear Santa,

I made you some chocolate covered caramels with fleur de sel. I figured you might be sick of cookies. Sorry about the attack Golden Retriever that I'm sure made your entrance pretty difficult. She's always been scared of big men with hats. And not so fond of facial hair either.

Anyway, this year I've been more nice than naughty, I'm quite sure, and I know just what I would like from your big bag of good stuff. You might have to pull some strings with the stork (you have connections, right?) but I really don't think it's too much to ask you to fill my uterus instead of my stocking this Christmas. 

In all actuality, I think The Hubby will do most of the work for you, but if you could just work some Christmas magic and make this the year that my uterus is full (at least for nine months) we would be eternally grateful. We're not picky, a boy or girl will do. A boy and girl would be okay too. Or two boys...or two girls...you get the picture.

You see Santa, The Husband and I have been trying our hardest, doing all the right things, hoping and hoping for a bundle of joy. I think we should be close to the top of the Nice List by now. 

Have a safe flight!

Sincerely,

Emily (a.k.a. The Girl with the Empty Uterus)

Happy Holidays

This holiday I will be sharing with both my born family and my family by marriage.
I hate to even say this because I LOVE this time of year, but I'm kind of sort of dreading it. I can't wait to spend some quality time with everyone, but I feel like it is also going to be a challenging time for me.
My Sister-In-Law is twenty weeks pregnant and a bit of a drama queen. Everything, and I mean everything, is about her. And now her baby. And she got pregnant on accident. Really? How does that happen?!
Anyway, I'm sure there will be tears, but I hope not as many as Thanksgiving :)

We have also decided that this is the time to tell our parents about our pickle of a situation and our plans to proceed with fertility treatments in the new year.
I'm not quite sure how it's going to go, but I know that I'm both dreading the conversation and looking forward to it immensely.
I feel like I have been distracted and distant all year long because my mind is so preoccupied with baby-making that I think about it a lot, but since no one has known what's going on, I don't talk about it. And then I have nothing to talk about.

IUI, meds, and studies...oh my!

All right veterans, this post is for you. I need some advice and seeing as I'm the only infertile I know in my group of friends and family, I am turning to you.

Today we received the news that our insurance has agreed to let us see a reproductive Endocrinologist. Too bad they hardly pay for anything, but whatever. I'll recognize the positives where I can.

Then, because I think the universe likes to confuse me, we were contacted regarding an IUI study that we may qualify for. Low cost IUI=Awesome. But participating in the study would mean we would bypass anything other options the RE may have recommended prior to moving on with IUI.

So...

1. For a woman who ovulates pretty darn regularly with normal labs and a man who has a marginally low sperm count, is IUI usually the first step? Or would meds alone usually come first? I'm just trying to get an idea of what our course would be like if we didn't go straight to IUI.

2. This is a study that involves IUI with ovarian stimulation using either Clomid, Letrazole, or Gonadotropins. Any experience with any of these. It's a random trial, so I don't get to pick the drug I receive. 

3. Any other helpful thoughts? I'm currently making my way through (with my highlighter!) the 39 pages of consent...it's going to be a long night.

Thanks in advance!