My thanks are late

This Thanksgiving season left me feeling very thankful. 

And no, I'm not pregnant. 

This has been a very big year for us including many "woe is me" moments, many heart-to-hearts with the Hubby, many medications and procedures, and many, many tears. More than once I have asked myself "why me?" and I have grappled with making sense of this. 

I have always struggled with the "Everything happens for a reason" mantra, but in the past I still used the phrase a lot to explain things that happened. Maybe it made me feel better. Maybe I just said it to say something when things weren't going my way. But the thing is, things did go my way 99% of the time. I was one of those lucky ones that things just seemed to work out for. I had a plan for my life and my life followed suit.

Then infertility rocked my world.

But because everything in my past pointed to it,  I still thought that everything would work out...it would just take a little time, right? It has not taken a little time. And as of yet, it has not all worked out the way I planned. 

A fellow blogger posted her thoughts on "Everything happens for a reason" and it rang so, so true. 

Everything happens. It just does.

And it sure does. It's happening, and I'm just along for the ride. 

Maybe there is no good reason that all of this is happening to two nice people. 

Maybe it's not meant to teach us some grand life lesson. 

Maybe it's just the way the cookie is going to crumble. 

But the thing is, it has taught me quite a bit. It's taught me many lessons that I would have been okay not ever learning, but here I am, learning the lessons anyway because I have no choice.

One year ago was what I consider one of my lowest points. 

The day after Thanksgiving last year I was filled with jealousy and rage and sadness, and not a trace of thankfulness survived past that turkey dinner.

This Thanksgiving I spent a lot of time thinking about the previous year's Thanksgiving and marveling that despite the unfortunate fact that nothing much has changed, my uterus is still quite empty, I am in a completely different place than I was just one year ago. I have grown, I have survived. And that makes me thankful.

I also did not get my period on Thanksgiving, and that made me thankful!

Incidentally, I started spotting the next day...oh well.

I don't know where this journey is leading me and I know there will be many more rough days, but while I am not thankful for the situation, I am thankful for the growth and the lessons learned. I will come out of this a stronger and more resilient person...if not slightly jaded :)