If I Was Pregnant, Would My Belly Be Cute?

The bloating has arrived. It is making me look like I'm 5 months pregnant. It is not cute.

I am feeling utterly BLAH. It is making me reevaluate the cute pregnant belly. Am I going to think it's cute when it's on my body? 

I have always had a small chest, big butt, small waste thing going on. It is strong genetics. Despite my best efforts to change the first two, my best shots proved futile. 

The small chest was the bane of my teenage existence. I fought it hard, hoping and praying that they would grow and I would be the one woman in my family with a sizable rack. No go. With maturity came an appreciation (most of the time, at least) for my small boobs. No cumbersome extra weight hanging around making exercise difficult, no worries of wardrobe malfunctions when wearing small shirts, and freedom to wear (or not wear) any kind of bra or bathing suit top I want. 

The booty also started as a negative, but over the years I have come to embrace it as an ass-et :) It used to be one of my least favorite body parts, so I was shocked when my Husband and I were dating to learn that it was his favorite part of me. Aside from my amazing personality, of course ;) 

The small waist, though. That has always been my saving grace in the body image department, the part of me that I was always confident about. So now seeing it balloon up to never-before-seen proportions...not gonna lie, it's freaking me out. I know that this is temporary. I know that I would be the luckiest girl in the world if my tummy could pop out because of a pregnancy. It's just making me think a little harder about how a morphing body (even due to a growing baby inside) could mess with me. 

I have heard people complain about their pregnancy weight and thought, "But you look so adorable!" and "If I was pregnant, I would cherish every pound!" and even "Get over yourself! You're growing a human! Suck up your self-esteem issues and move on!"

This giant OHSS belly is helping me understand that even when it is everything you want, seeing your body change isn't always easy. Here's hoping that I find my pregnant belly cuter than I find this one!

OMG

There is no more appropriate term than "OMG" to make me both feel like a twelve-year-old and to describe how I am feeling right now. 

The last couple of days have been fine. Moving a little slower than my norm, but mostly back up and running. But I just had this weird full feeling in my abdomen. I have been chugging Gatorade like a mad woman and have not gained any weight since the retrieval, but I just felt weird. I woke up two nights ago convinced that my tummy was going to explode, then chugged some Mango Gatorade and tossed and turned through the rest of the night worrying that OHSS had come to get me. 

I realized last night while peeing for the umpteenth time yesterday, "Hmm. I don't think I've pooped since the retrieval. Ohhhhh." And click. It all made sense. 

I have some serious sympathy for those of you with chronic poo issues, because that was uncomfortable! 

This morning it took me about two sips of regular caffeinated coffee (my first in quite a while) to get things moving and make me a much happier girl. Mostly because I was enjoying a latte. 

And...I'm a new woman. A hopefully, back to my normal, "regular" woman. Constipation is no joke, people.

Now we are waiting anxiously to hear from the RE on our 3 day growth report!

I spoke to the nurse yesterday who informed me that it would be highly unlikely that they would transfer today based on my OHSS risk, so hopefully we have good growth!

Kind of Freaking Out

Appointment today went well, still lots of follicles, getting closer, but one more day until trigger probably. I left feeling great, calm.

Then I got the call from the nurse. 

Estradiol is 4238. 

No mention of anything weird from her, just instructions to stop my Gonal-F but continue with Lupron and Menopur at the same doses. 

Then came google. 

And it seems that the estradiol level is high. 

No call from Dr. Tran.

And now I'm freaking out, thoughts of cancelled cycles and OHSS swimming through my head. 

Google be damned! 

Anyone out there with good stories of kind of high estradiol levels prior to trigger? I've been obsessively scrolling through blog posts trying to see if anyone mentioned what their levels were with no luck. My appointment tomorrow cannot come soon enough.