It's a marathon.
IVF was for me a finite amount of time in which I could do almost anything.
Sure, poke me with a few needles everyday.
No caffeine or alcohol, bring it on.
Limit my normal exercise routine and eat really way? Got it.
Circle and Bloom every night, socks on those feet and lots and lots of rest. Cool with me.
Vitamins and supplements like crazy? Why not.
Because at the end of it, I would have an embryo or two in my uterus, hopefully implanting in the wonderful lining I created for it, and in 40 weeks I would have a baby.
I can handle it. I can do anything for relatively short, finite amount of time. It's a sprint.
But, as life as an infertile goes, things did not go as planned and this journey has turned into a marathon. (More than it already was...2+years of attempted baby-making is quite the marathon already.)
The universe has once again decided that I need to learn that I cannot and should not try to plan everything. Damn it.
I have been totally on board with the new plan because the logical part of me knows that it's the best plan if I want to be a Mom. But it still is making me very tired as the thought of keeping all of this up.
I have definitely loosened up a lot since it was determined that we wouldn't do a fresh embryo transfer. I have stopped "Circle and Bloom"ing for now even though I really like it...I wasn't sure what days to listen to! There is no "bummer, your transfer got cancelled, bring on AF" track.
I have also had a few drinks and lattes :) this week and will get to start exercising normally again as of now. I no longer wake up in a panic and scurry down the hallway at 2 am to take the prenatal vitamin I forgot to take with dinner. It's an unofficial little break that will hopefully fire me up to start again very soon.
Today is Cycle Day 1 and I can honestly say I have never been more excited to see blood on the TP! It was a pretty weird feeling. Now I know how those uber-fertiles feel when they get their period and say "Phew! Not pregnant!" Pure elation :)
I have a phone meeting set up for Wednesday with my RE to discuss plans for the FET and I will start BCPs tomorrow. I can't wait to get my cycle calendar and feel like I have a sort of plan for my life for the next couple of months. (There I go with the planning again. I'll never learn.)
So...relaxation and The Break until my period is over, then back in the race I go!
