Double Digits

So, ten weeks. 

I'm fairly convinced that time is actually slowing down and that the last two weeks actually were as long as they seemed. This may be because I am so freaking nauseous all the time. Or it might be because both my toddler and I got the stomach flu and were laid up for what felt like an eternity. 

I'm trying to be mindful of my complaining because (duh) I've wished for every symptom known to man to hit me if only I'd be pregnant, and here I am blissfully living it out. But in the moment the constant nausea is actually giving me quite the run for my money. I also have a lovely mix of heartburn most of the time...and WHY SO EARLY?!?!?

The ninth week felt pretty monumental. I feel like something changed and I was hit with all the stuff. Aside from the nausea that I will refrain from going on and on about, I just feel different. I am pretty rundown looking and feeling most of the time. I attribute this to eating all the bad food and to my sweet little lady who has decided to wake up between 4 and 5 every morning crying. Please say there is an end to this...two year molars? As I hear her loud wails echo through our house, I think about a sleeping newborn not sleeping through any of it and the chaos that two crying children could cause. Am I getting a bit ahead of myself?

The heartburn is a weird thing that lingers much of the day. I do remember having heartburn early last time, but not this early. I have started drinking a swig of diluted apple cider vinegar in water and it has worked like a charm so far! I hope that continues to be the miracle cure!

The baby bump is there already as well. I have not taken any pictures yet, but plan to start soon. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to keep this mum because damn. Large and in charge. I supposed that speaks to the state of my abs at the moment...or lack thereof. Or muscle memory! 

We went to our first OB appointment yesterday and got to see the little one again on ultrasound! I had forgotten how much better the RE machine in comparison. No measurements were done, no heart rate calculated, just a quick little peek. We did get a glimpse of the arms and legs- not as blobby looking! 

Because I had a kinda preemie last time around, I will take progesterone once a week starting at 18 weeks. The relief I felt when I found out it was weekly was profound! My numb and lumpy booty cheeks might have actually smiled. Other than the progesterone, there is not much of anything that they'll be doing differently except for more cervical checks (I forgot to ask how often).  

Next step is the nuchal translucency scan at 13ish weeks (right after Christmas). Luckily, I think this will be a pretty painless wait since I am so busy and have so much to do between now and then!

All a flutter

The little niblet is bigger and the heart is still fluttering away! Holy bleep. 

P-p-p-paranoia!

I little snippet into my life right now: nausea. 

Oh god, the nausea. 

Heartburn, yuck. 

Oh yeah, I'm pregnant! I almost forgot in the chaos that is the life of a Mom of a 22-month-old. Maybe I should check what the miscarriage rates for today are since I'm probably not pregnant anymore. 

Am I feeling cramping? 

Shit, are my underwear wet? 

I'm bleeding. I must be bleeding. Hmm...no blood. Fab. 

Oh no, I might throw up. Must eat immediately. 

So bloated. So fat.

I thought that maybe I might be less nervous this time around, but it seems that the first trimester is just as much of a bitch the second time around. Maybe worse, honestly.

The symptoms are there much of the time, like whoa, but other times I feel nothing. Why, oh why has no one invented a portable ultrasounds machine for post-infertility preggos?!?!

I have ultrasound #2 with my RE tomorrow, which I hope will put my mind slightly at ease for 2.5 minutes. Then first the first OB appointment in scheduled for next Friday. Since my last pregnancy ended in a slightly preterm birth, this time I'm considered high risk so am going to start seeing a maternal fetal medicine specialist instead of the run-of-the-mill OB I saw last time. I have no idea what this means or if anything will be different, but I guess I'll find out next week! I have an inkling that I will continue progesterone injections throughout the pregnancy (hoping for only once a week, but the RE wasn't sure). My ass cheeks are starting to get pretty lumpy and sore, but I could definitely handle it if it was only every 7 days instead of every. single. day. 

We shared the news with our immediate families over the Thanksgiving holiday and shocked everyone! Pretty drastically different than the last time when they were all waiting for it impatiently! I was really surprised that my Mom didn't guess before since I was SUPER tired and nauseous for the few days leading up to the announcement. 

So, that's life now! I am going to start posting weekly updates because I feel like I need to document this time in some way or it will pass in a flash and I won't remember anything. It's just so different than last time where I obsessed over everyday and moment!

Beating

The ultrasounds was today! I was really pretty nervous, but in went the dildo cam without any fanfare and it was there.

There is a baby with a heart rate of 136.

It was measuring 7 weeks, a little ahead of schedule (I'm 6 weeks, 4 daysish). 

I can't shake this guarded feeling I have, but I am definitely getting more excited as this feels a tiny bit real. We're starting to think about how/when we're going to share the news and I'm starting to feel all day queasiness and freakish hunger...so seems that we're chugging along!

Holy shit.

6 weeks "ish"

Today is six weeks. Six weeks of a tiny, tiny baby supposedly growing in my usually empty ute. 

Wednesday is the ultrasound and I obviously can't wait. I pretty much feel nothing. The only maybe symptom is that my boobs seem to be a tad tingly at times. And sometimes when I make a quick movement I get a scary pain that shoots through my lower abdomen making me think that the baby is surely detaching from my uterus.  I remember that from last time, but don't remember when it kicked in. I might also be a little more tired than normal, but that could just be life talking. And I'm fat. Lupron definitely doesn't agree with my waistline, so I started about 5 pound up from my baseline and now I just feel poochy and flabby.

I threw a baby shower for my best friend this weekend. You might remember her from my scathing posts way back when, you know, in the dark days. I am happy to report that I am 99% happy for her this time around. I was super excited to throw the shower (which I absolutely couldn't stomach last time) and am truly happy that they will be welcoming another babe into the family. The 1% not happy isn't exactly NOT happy, but more avoidance. I still have a teeny bit of resentment that she got pregnant so quickly and has such easy pregnancies and can say things that only an uber-fertile can say like "the timing of this pregnancy is horrible". I keep all jealousy at bay, but I don't tend to ask a lot of pregnancy questions. 

So, that's it, folks. 

Wednesday! AAAH!!!

Betas

Beta #1 704 13dp5dt

Beta #2 1887 15dp5dt

Holy Moly. Now begins the longest 2 week wait ever until the first ultrasound. I remember from last time it was a HARD 2 weeks. But I am pregnant, and for that I am uber thankful and obviously that makes it worth 2 weeks of utter torture :)

I have been feeling totally normal except for a tad light-headed, which I don't remember from last time. I know I will kick myself for this later, but I am hoping that some symptoms start soon. The constant nausea, while hard to handle, was such a reassurance when I couldn't keep a constant ultrasound eye on what was happening!

According to my calculations I am 4 weeks, 6 days pregnant today and due July 9th. 

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Cautiously...Positive

I am no longer PUPO; I am pregnant.

I started testing on 5dp5dt, like I planned to do and saw just the faintest of faint lines. Since then they have gotten darker. I had a scare in the middle when one of the dollar store tests was negative, but it was expired, so I'm thinking maybe that's why? 

I braved the digital test today and got a lovely "pregnant". Wednesday is beta day, so I'm waiting to celebrate until then. Now, I'm just feeling weird. Excited but oh-so-cautious, still waiting for something to go wrong. 

Whoa, negative Nancy. Just guarding my heart, I guess.

Updates Wednesday! And hopefully a little more chipper :)