6 weeks "ish"

Today is six weeks. Six weeks of a tiny, tiny baby supposedly growing in my usually empty ute. 

Wednesday is the ultrasound and I obviously can't wait. I pretty much feel nothing. The only maybe symptom is that my boobs seem to be a tad tingly at times. And sometimes when I make a quick movement I get a scary pain that shoots through my lower abdomen making me think that the baby is surely detaching from my uterus.  I remember that from last time, but don't remember when it kicked in. I might also be a little more tired than normal, but that could just be life talking. And I'm fat. Lupron definitely doesn't agree with my waistline, so I started about 5 pound up from my baseline and now I just feel poochy and flabby.

I threw a baby shower for my best friend this weekend. You might remember her from my scathing posts way back when, you know, in the dark days. I am happy to report that I am 99% happy for her this time around. I was super excited to throw the shower (which I absolutely couldn't stomach last time) and am truly happy that they will be welcoming another babe into the family. The 1% not happy isn't exactly NOT happy, but more avoidance. I still have a teeny bit of resentment that she got pregnant so quickly and has such easy pregnancies and can say things that only an uber-fertile can say like "the timing of this pregnancy is horrible". I keep all jealousy at bay, but I don't tend to ask a lot of pregnancy questions. 

So, that's it, folks. 

Wednesday! AAAH!!!

Betas

Beta #1 704 13dp5dt

Beta #2 1887 15dp5dt

Holy Moly. Now begins the longest 2 week wait ever until the first ultrasound. I remember from last time it was a HARD 2 weeks. But I am pregnant, and for that I am uber thankful and obviously that makes it worth 2 weeks of utter torture :)

I have been feeling totally normal except for a tad light-headed, which I don't remember from last time. I know I will kick myself for this later, but I am hoping that some symptoms start soon. The constant nausea, while hard to handle, was such a reassurance when I couldn't keep a constant ultrasound eye on what was happening!

According to my calculations I am 4 weeks, 6 days pregnant today and due July 9th. 

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Cautiously...Positive

I am no longer PUPO; I am pregnant.

I started testing on 5dp5dt, like I planned to do and saw just the faintest of faint lines. Since then they have gotten darker. I had a scare in the middle when one of the dollar store tests was negative, but it was expired, so I'm thinking maybe that's why? 

I braved the digital test today and got a lovely "pregnant". Wednesday is beta day, so I'm waiting to celebrate until then. Now, I'm just feeling weird. Excited but oh-so-cautious, still waiting for something to go wrong. 

Whoa, negative Nancy. Just guarding my heart, I guess.

Updates Wednesday! And hopefully a little more chipper :)

5dp5dt

Wow, you guys. This FET process could not be more different from my last. Last time I was zen. Last time I was calm. Last time I was Circle and Blooming like a champ.

Last Thursday one blastocyst was transfered. That's about the only similarity. 

That night (even with my valium on board) we had our daycare woman and her husband over to watch the football game that The Hubs begrudgingly missed seeing live because of the FET. Entertaining them and my 21 month old was not exactly the relaxing evening I had hoped for. 

The next day our daycare was closed and The Hubs was traveling for work, so I spent the day pumpkin patching with my sweet girl and a friend and her daughter. So much fun, but also not so relaxing. 

Then all hell broke loose. The barfing happened. ALL the barfing. 

Piper started throwing up Friday afternoon and didn't stop until bedtime. The next day I had to help out with the NICU reunion that my hospital hosts every year, so we all trucked into the city and spent a fun day with the throw up a seemingly distant memory. 

That night it hit me bad. All night I was up and out of bed feeling sick as a dog. The next morning Nick woke up with the same thing. To say the day was a living hell is an understatement. I'm pretty sure a toddler-stomach flu combination should be considered legitimate torture. It goes down in history as one of my worst days ever. 

Needless to say, I was not thinking much about the FET, ecxept to think, "this does not seem like a good thing". I hope my body didn't expel EVERYTHING in it, like it felt like it did. Anyway, I completely forgot about my progesterone injection. I had a momentary freak out when I woke up teh next morning, but I'm hoping a late dose wouldn't sabotage the whole cycle. 

Ugh. 

So...that's how it's been, hence the no blogging since the transfer.

And today I will test. Last time around I got my first BFP EVER 5dp5dt, so I'll try for a second one. I will likely keep the results to myself for a few days either way, but I don't know. 

I'm feeling absolutely nothing right now, but had some slight cramping and tightness on day one and  two. I'm feeling pretty neutral right now, I honestly think it could go either way, so only time will tell...

Happenings and comparisons

We're still gearing up for the FET next Thursday (!!!)

The lining check last Thursday showed a lining of 12.3. Like last time, I'm trying not to ask a lot of questions or google like crazy any of my numbers. At this point, it's going to work or it is not and my normal over-googling to the max sometimes makes me more stressed. According to the Nurse Practitioner, my lining looks good and I am on track for a Thursday transfer. Woah. 

Last night was my first progesterone injection, and for some reason that brought all the memories back like nothing else has so far this cycle. That's where the comparing is starting to happen. Like just yesterday when I got my lining number, I thought, "hmm...wonder what it was last time?" (It was 8.5 according to my blog, by the way.) And then I started reading my symptom spotting log from last time. Ugh. I might not be googling, but I certainly am referencing other sources. 

I can't say that my head is where I want it to be right now. I think part of it is having a toddler running around keeping me too busy to think about it much or do a whole lot of pre-cycle planning. I also feel like I don't have the same "community" I had last time. Not that I don't appreciate you all out there :) but last time I followed several other bloggers who were literally going through the same things that I was at the same time. It's different, and definitely a void I'm feeling this time around.

I'm trying to zen myself out before Thursday. I have Wednesday off to yoga, massage, maybe acupuncture. If that doesn't do it, nothing will ;) Or maybe the pre-FET valium will do the trick! Either way and ready or not, blastocyst from straw 2 is going to make its way into my uterus Thursday at 3pm. 

I ordered the Wondfos because you know I'll be peeing on a whole bunch of things in my two week wait!

10-22-15

I have a calendar. 

And October 22nd is the projected day for the embryo transfer. 

I'm half freaking out and half not thinking about it at all. I just can't believe I'm here again. Wow. 

On another note, I feel like Pinterest is sending me a message. At least half of my suggested pins are baby boy related. Weird, right? I have not, to my knowledge, pinned anything to make Pinterest think I am interested in anything boy-related. I'm choosing to take it as a good omen for this cycle ;)

I'll be updating as the cycle progresses...

Back In the Game

The labs have been drawn, the consult is done, the birth control pills are ready for the taking, and tomorrow we head to the good ol' RE's office for a pre-FET saline sonogram. 

We are ready. But...are we ready?

It is such an intensely strange feeling this time around. Last time, I was chomping at the bit and anticipating every step, and I was SO, SO ready. We were dying to have a baby in our grips and could think of nothing else. This time we actually have to think a lot about if we're actually ready for this whole thing again.

We met with our RE in June and decided that we would think about an early September FET. My little lady is just now 18 months and he deemed 18 months as the earliest he would recommend for someone my age to elect to get pregnant through FET. We have a vacation at the end of this month, so as long as the saline sonogram shows a good uterus we will likely start the prep for an FET when we get back. But, gosh...it seems so soon! 

Despite feeling like adding another babe to our mix will be wild and crazy and being just a tad bit frightened about that, I am also getting so nervous that it's not going to work. I just don't feel up for that amount of heartache again. And last time I don't remember worrying so much about miscarriage, but this time around I am worrying about that too. 

Wish me luck tomorrow! It's been so long since my last saline sonogram, I don't remember what to expect. Time to consult my friend Google, perhaps. I never thought I would forget all of the details of IVF that I was such an expert on a couple of years ago!