March Photo Challenge: Day 29

Cut:

A bouquet cut straight from my urban garden. :)

March Photo Challenge: Day 28

Cozy:

On Monday morning I came out to my door to find a pretty yellow package from my sock exchange partner! Turns out we live just a hop, skip, and a jump from each other!

Inside I found these beauties...polka dotted, cashmere heaven. Oh so cozy and just the right bit of crazy peaking out from my rain boots! Love, love, love!

March Photo Challenge: Day 27

Fresh:

Yes, it's a "fresh" cycle. 

Doesn't that sound optimistic and renewing, and positive?! 

I wish I could say I was feeling the same!

It has been a rough day. I knew it was coming like I always know, but there is always that tiny, tiny glimmer of hope that I hold on to until the very end. This morning there was no denying it: the cramps started with a vengeance and with them my mood worsened. 

So back to the RE I go tomorrow to get cleared to start IUI cycle #3. I'm a little bit nervous because on my ultrasound last week I had a residual cyst...hopefully this cycle won't be cancelled.

Despite my ultra-gloomy mood and my bouts of tears every time I talk about it, I am trying to keep a positive outlook for the cycle ahead. It is a fresh start. Literally, everything is starting new, including my uterine lining :)

I don't know why, but when I got home I started googling IUI statistics again hoping to find lots of good stories. 

Lots of people get pregnant on their 3rd or 4th try! Yay! (I totally ignored the BFNs). 

I also calculated what my due date would be if I got pregnant this cycle: January 1st 2013! I do this every month, by the way. Sick. 

I've been reading a lot about it, so I started taking a Vitamin B complex to try to lengthen my luteal phase. I don't know that it's the problem, but it's on the short side and at this point, I'll try it! 

Then I went sock shopping for my "sock exchange" buddy! I picked some winners, let me tell you! So fun! 

Feeling slightly more upbeat, I just had to log in to facebook. Ugh. 

BFF has her maternity photos posted. 

And apparently just got her hospital admissions packet at her appointment today. Double ugh. 

Hide post, hide post.

I should just hide her entirely, but what kind of friend would that make me? The kind that thinks of every excuse to not hang out with her friend of 20+ years and still can't bear to talk about the "elephant in the room" that is her huge belly. Oh wait. That's me.

Then, to make myself feel even more sorry for myself, I started thinking about how pregnant I would be if I had gotten pregnant when I first started trying. 

Then I realized I would have a 7 month old.

Hello and welcome to my rambling pity party.

I apologize if you didn't want to be invited.

"Fresh start" starts tomorrow.

March Photo Challenge: Day 26

Drink:

This is my water bottle. It goes almost everywhere with me, encouraging me to drink my allotted amount of H2O. 

You know that Two Week Wait? Well, it's over. The spotting has started, accompanied by the cramps. CD 1 starts tomorrow. (F*#k!)

If I was being honest with myself, I've known since 9 DPO. Every. Damn. Month. 9 DPO is my nemesis. I always get the twinges and I know. 

On 10 DPO, I gently suggested to The Man that I didn't feel like it was our month. He practically bit my head off for even saying it because it wasn't over until I was full on bleeding. Great. He was pissed off because I shared the terrible news and ruined part of his day. 

I wanted to say, "boo hoo". I wanted to say, "Too F-ing bad!" I wanted to scream at him for wanting me to shoulder the burden of knowing on my own while he lived blissfully in la-la land.

I didn't say any of it. 

Mostly because we were less that half way through our walk through the park and surrounded by people and that could have gotten awkward quick. But also because I took a little time to think about it. 

Just because my mind is filled with thoughts of my cycle day and night, just because I over-analyze every little twinge my body makes, just because I'm going crazy...it doesn't mean that he should have to. If I could shelter myself from every little symptom and just find out when my period showed (or didn't show), I totally would. So for now, I will vent here. I will save him just a little bit of agony. 

He already has to deal with my grumpy, PMS-ing self. And no one should have to go through that :)

March Photo Challenge: Day 25

Sparkle:

I realized when trying to find something to fit this prompt, I don't have a lot of sparkle in my life. I'm not a glittery gal I suppose. Everything I own is more...ummm...not sparkly. 

I have to say though, the two bits of sparkle I own are my favorite. 

One is my engagement ring, picked out by my One and Only. The other is my wedding band, a hand-me-down from my grandma. Everything about it is perfect, in all its imperfections. Not one of the diamonds is the same size and the platinum is banged up delightfully from many years of wear and tear; only three of the years being mine. 

March Photo Challenge: Day 24

Hug:

I'm kind of cheating again because this is an old picture, but I haven't introduced the Mr to my blog yet, so taking a "hug" picture was hard...

 

March Photo Challenge: Day 23

Move:

The last 2 Novembers have involved a lot of moving- I successfully completed a marathon and a half marathon. 

The first year, my friend and I did the marathon. That coincided with the Hubs and I "trying". The training lengthened my cycles enough that I was fooled into thinking that I was pregnant, so I almost skipped it. Little did I know!

This year when my friend and I decided to do the half marathon instead we both decided we might not do it if we were pregnant by then. Guess who was pregnant and who wasn't? Boo.

I am still very much proud of myself for completing 26.2, then 13.1 miles. That's a lot of moving for one day. But I hope I won't be competing this November! 

March Photo Challenge: Day 22

Market:

Oh Thailand, how I miss thee.

I had a hard time picking a good market shot because I have SO MANY pictures of markets in Thailand because they were so intriguing to me. Frogs! Crazy fruit! Random Thai food sold in stalls! Flowers! And my favorite market find: mango with sticky rice. Oh. My. Drooling. 

I had my 7 day post-IUI ultrasound and lab draw today. Everything looks okay, but she's going to decrease my dose of Menopur if there is a next cycle since it looks like I might have released 3-4 eggs! Yikes! Hoping one or two hang around! And my progesterone level was >40, so I'm ready for implantation...come on baby!

March Photo Challenge: Day 21

Treat:

I totally ate two of these tonight. That's why I don't leave baked goods in my house- out of control. But it was a nice treat :) x2

March Photo Challenge: Day 20

Button:

 This little "on demand" button has been my friend lately. The Mr. has been working, working, working non-stop and I'm pretty sick of it. Spending a lot of time alone has not made this two week wait go quickly. We just might be the only people on the planet who have not yet gotten a DVR, so instead I've been watching some On Demand marathons of so-so TV. I can only read so much...

March Photo Challenge: Day 19

Numbers:

Today has been a no good day. I don't know why. I have Mondays off, so they are generally one of my favorite days of the week, but today I just feel down.

I'm grumpy for no apparent reason and I am completely unmotivated to get anything done around the house. 

The best part of my day so far has been getting the bill for my HSG that I had done in November. Doesn't sound great, right?

Well, originally I was told my insurance would only cover 50% of the bill and when I saw the original hospital invoice of $2500 I almost lost it. $1250 for a 5 minute test that told me that they still didn't know what was wrong with me...what?!?!

But then (!!!) I got this in the mail:

 
And I only owe $258. For my sonohysterography AND the HSG. I've never been happier to fork out a relatively large chunk of money. I don't know how it worked out this way, but I'll take it. What a relief.

March Photo Challenge: Day 18

Stretch:

This is a picture of Girl Scout Cookies. 

I can't stop eating them. 

I will need more stretchy clothing if I don't stop soon because my stomach is going to stretch. 

On that note, I went shopping today. For a while now when I go shopping, everything I try on I analyze: "Would this work if I was pregnant?" "Maybe I should get the medium, just in case" 

I have a lot of flowy blouses and stretchy material...

Does anyone else do this, or is it just me?

March Photo Challenge: Day 17

Green:

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I have a thing for holiday headgear for my dog, so I couldn't resist this one :)

March Photo Challenge: Day 16

Morning:

I have never been an everyday coffee drinker, but boy do I love a good espresso now and then. When we started baby-obsessing I stopped drinking coffee all together...and now I crave it more than I ever had previously! 

So I've become a big tea drinker. Every morning I break out the decaf tea, have a cup while I get ready and fill my to-go cup before I leave. The warmth is what I crave most now.

As delicious and comforting as it is, nothing replaces a good latte or cappuccino for me...I indulge myself once a month with failed cycles and get a full caffeine drink at my favorite coffee shop and sip between tears...it makes cycle day one just a little bit better :)

March Photo Challenge: Day 15

Build: 

Ironically, The Hubby and I are hoping to build a house soon, but no photos of that yet! You know that movie, Field of Dreams? I always remember "If you build it, they will come". Hmm...maybe we need to get moving on that! 

Tonight though, all I'm "building" is the perfect grilled cheese sandwich. 

Homemade bread (my first loaf!) and some pretty delightful cheeses that the Mr picked up. He said, "Don't ask me how much I paid for them until you taste it". Hmm. Should I be worried? :)

Two's a charm?

I just finished IUI #2 and am wishing and hoping that it is a success. 

Last cycle the IUI took place on a Sunday so the Hubs and I had a nice relaxing day, stopped for breakfast while the sperm was washed, and we saw lots and lots of little signs that it was going to work! But it didn't.

This time due to crazy work projects, The Hubby wasn't even there for the IUI :( he had to drop his sample and run! Aside from that, all went well. I saw the sperm shoot in there with my own two eyes, I even gave them a little pep talk before the doctor came in since Hubby wasn't there to do it himself :) 

Last time there was no mention of sperm count, but this time she said it was slightly low before washing, but improved afterwards to 26 million and 95% motility. I haven't had much luck finding normal numbers for post-wash count...anyone have some expertise on this? 

All thoughts, prayers, good vibes, etc welcome! Now starts the waiting!

March Photo Challenge: Day 14

Design:

My design lately has gravitated towards accessories with a meaning. Wishbone: Not a coincidence. And yes, it's giant. Elephant: fertility symbol? Huh. Weird that it sits on our nightstand. And it's filled with "baby dust" I got when I ordered a fertility bracelet. And it's a mini-pitcher. Okay, the pitcher part actually has nothing to do with fertility...I don't think. :)

March Photo Challenge: Day 13

Glow:

I'm feeling all aglow today! I had another ultrasound and estradiol check and was pleased as punch to hear that the follicles were growing magnificently and that we are cleared for trigger tonight! IUI #2 is Thursday morning and I am so excited!

It is a gloomy, drizzly day today and when I got home from my appointment all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and read. I stepped it up even another notch and decided to take a candlelit bath...is there anything better? 

   Now I am feeling dewy and I'm practically glowing with excitement! Please let this be our month!

March Photo Challenge: Day 12

Eat:

 

I've been making/eating a lot of cupcakes lately. Cookie-dough filled, homemade Hostess, peanut butter chocolate. It's not so good for the physique, but it sure is good for the tummy!

March Photo Challenge: Day 11

Living:

 

"Living" has been hard to do lately because we've been so busy! I just came back from a whirlwind 24 hour trip up to attend my Sister-In-Law's baby shower. Lots of driving, rushing back for my monitoring appointment this morning, and squeezing some sleep in there somewhere! The baby shower was surprisingly unemotional for me, which was a great surprise! I thought I was going to either really jealous or really sad, but neither emotion surfaced...maybe I was too tired.

Living for me is enjoying downtime. I love events and parties, and fun planned weekends, but my favorite times are those lazy days, strolling through the park with my favorite man, reading in the sun, and having time to soak up life. I have come to the conclusion that I don't have enough time in the day/week to really enjoy life in the first half of my cycle, so I think I'm going to make a conscious effort to use my two week waits to LIVE. Maybe that will make it go faster too! 

My friend snapped this shot of the Hubs and I in our favorite park.

March Photo Challenge: Day 10

Love:

 

My wedding day was and always will be one of those days that encompassed love. When I look back at pictures, I am reminded of not only the love I have for my Husband, but all of the love that we are so lucky to have surrounding us always: family, friends, friend that are "family". 

March Photo Challenge: Day 9

Soft:

 

Few things are softer than this cuddly little one!

March Photo Challenge: Day 8

Heal:

I started acupuncture about a year ago to attempt to regulate my cycle, and that it did. I have continued to go on a regular basis and Hubby has also started participating. For me, it heals my body (maybe...no results yet but it feels good!) and it heals my soul. It is 60 minutes of pure relaxation and my acupuncturist specializes in fertility and is just plain nice to talk to! Love it.

March Photo Challenge: Day 7

Purple:

My fur baby has a baby. It's a cat with a big purple bow that meows when she bites it. She LOVES it. She has had it since she was a little puppy and for the most part treats it gingerly. It's meow is slowly dying and now sounds more like a whimper and it is missing one eye, but kitty is otherwise here for the long haul. 

March Photo Challenge: Day 6

Challenge:

This book is my challenge. I'm attempting to make bread from scratch...like really from scratch. No packaged yeast business, just pure flour and water starting these loaves. Boy has it been a challenge. I've begun calling my starter "The Bitch" because she controls my life. I will conquer her!

March Photo Challenge: Day 5

Commute:

Fortunately for me, my regular morning commute consists of walking about eight blocks. If it's raining there's a shuttle. Tough life, right? It is all up hill!

Unfortunately for me, I have become a regular "commuter" to the Fertility Clinic and the commute is not quite as easy.
On this lovely day, I made the commute to the clinic for my beginning of the cycle ultrasound and lab draws. Everything is well in ovary land, so I left with a bag full of drugs and I will restart my Menopur tonight. Here we go again!

March Photo Challenge: Day 4

Day 4: Illuminate

This was how I started my New Year.
I took it as a sign that it was going to be a good year. Here's hoping!

March Photo Challenge: Day 3

Day 3: Domestic

My Husband once said to me, "Do you know one of the things that I love about you? It's not something that I would have looked for in a wife, but it makes me really happy that you're so homey. I love that you love baking and you're really good at decorating, and you throw an amazing party."

It was one of the best and most unexpected compliments I've ever gotten because it was completely out of the blue and just popped out of his mouth one night when I was baking. Like he had been pondering it while watching me. Love him.

I've been quite domestic lately. Winter does that to me. I'm trying my hand at baking bread this week, lovingly starting my "starter" for the last two weeks. We've also been making ice cream on a far too frequent basis since we got an ice cream maker attachment for my Kitchenaid mixer for Christmas! 

I snapped this photo when we were making Meyer Lemon Olive Oil Ice Cream. Yum.

March Photo Challenge: Day 2

Today may be challenge day two, but it's also cycle day one.  Let's not talk about that. Let's talk about...

Feet.

Ice skating on frozen ponds is awesome. Cracks and all.

March Photo Challenge: Day 1

 I'm jumping on the March Photo Challenge bandwagon, because I like taking pictures and it sounds like fun! And mostly I need a distraction. A month long distraction is good. Check out Scrambled Eggs to read all about it!

 So, here I go...

Day 1: Self Portrait

My Hubby took this photo in Thailand, on one of my favorite trips ever, before baby-making was stressful. That day nothing was stressful :)